Changes

In 2weeks time I willing attending a seminar to help me overcome/deal with any issues that are holding me back...any issues that maybe causing me to live my life In the wrong way...maybe these issues are the cause of my weight issues??? I have no idea....on the surface I am seen as a. Very vibrant, secure. Woman....inside I feel small and weak....I can't blame my parents...had a great childhood....was it my friends growing up? I don't know..how about my first 2marriages....as I think more about it I feel like its this little green man on my shoulder telling me horrible things...but how do you stop him from speaking...how do I once and for all get him to leave and stop all the negative talk....logically inside I know I am strong, colorful, independent and sexy but I am terrified to act on any of it...I look at page after page of plus size beauties and compare myself to each on.."my belly is way bigger, my boobs droop to much, my ass is too big, how can they

Ok that amazing...why can't I look that great...may e then the passion will come back?" I see some women who are the same size as me, with the same rolls and curves and boobs...I look at them and think about how beautiful they look...when I see one picture of me with the slightest roll I cringe and delete it..I wish my husband would want to take some pictures of me naked...pose me how he would like to see me...but he won't. So back to the drawing board...how do I make myself love me again....will this seminar help? Can anybody? I am having such a hard time getting back to the gym...last year I went all the time but I did not see any significant changes..a year working out and I only lost 20 inches combined from head to toe...clothing size only went down 1size that is it...what the hell am I doing wrong..I feel so alone I can't even express it...I thought by putting it out there In blog world maybe this would help....I should stop...I sound pretty sad...I guess cause I am...I am sorry for this....maybe tomorrow will be a better day?

Time off

Time off is a rare thing when you have kids...someone whom you trust to watch them for an extended period of time, to feed them, care for them act as your extention...but do we really get a break?? To a degree yes..you don't have the little voice saying."mom I'm hungry, what can we do, where are we going, can I have a snack?" but being a mom does not close like a door. Even when my kids are gone for the night I still go into their rooms and listen, sit and take in who they are. It's date night tonight so we have time off to eat a great meal, to have adult talks and spend some time romantically alone..we all need this to be able to remember why we are together in the first place...why we chose to travel this journey together. In my husband I have my best friend, confidant, sparring partner, doctor, counselor, teacher and lover. Time out means I get to be me and not mom, just me a girl in love with a boy.

I have curves, deal with it!

I am a plus size woman, I have an hourglass figure, I am curvy..all the proper words to describe women of substance.....it all sounds so nice, and fruffy but to be honest I feel like I can't compare to the skinny woman, the ones that society says are the most beautiful.. Clothes are made to fit them in all their diverse sizes...boobs, hips, arm length...plus plus size they figure more fabric to cover the fat but give them huge armpits! My arm pits have not gained weight. They figure large flowers will hide the extra weight...really??? How old do you think I am...I want low cut tups to show my amazing cleavage, I want a good cut in clothes to show my figure, I want a jean jacket to show my curves...it's not too hard....but we are made to feel inferior....why? We still bleed like the rest, we hurt, laugh and get sick too. It's about time that everyone opened their eyes and see that we are people too...and I might add...dam sexy people!! I joined pintrest lately some of the Bbw on there are amazing...you should take a look. It's not about size it's about being human and loving everyone for who they are in all their shapes and sizes....

Dirty Tupperware!!!

So I went to a dirty Tupperware party a couple weeks ago....a room full of ladies all talking about their sexy secrets...it was great!! Wine, food sex!!!! Hello what could be better!

I am a very open woman.. And my friends are that way as well....I love sex and toys...and love sharing it with my husband. Thing is I have met a few woman who are so shy and for lack of a better word --prudish! I just don't get this....cause given the opportunity to explore and not made to feel bad they would be amazed at the pleasure they could experiance.

Sex should not be hidden or made dirty...sex is wonderful, exotic, emotional and fun!!!!

If children were talked to more about it then the hiding of stuff would not be an issue..I have spoken to my kids about in a very healthy way...they ask questions and I answer honestly..the on,y way.

Anyhow I am getting off topic....sex is great!! Hmmmm wonder where the term "the daisy chain" comes from lol

Blog 1

Soo here I am...first time to blog and not sure what to say..lol I guess I don't really understand what it is about..I have a friend who is blogging about her illness... My husband blogs and I guess I wonder what all the hubbub is. He keeps telling me I should blog about the fact I don't like him blogging lol I like to read blogs but think I have nothing to say....generally I am pretty happy, love being married, I have friends...work hard ...sounds boring when writing it here... I could write about the weather here which is gloomy and snowy today. It for February it is great! Hmmm weather is done now what? Lol My husband got me interested in painting..his are more abstract and full of color while mine are zen like...when I figure out how to put them on here I will show you. I guess this is a start ....now to come up with topics to blog about...stay tuned the next will be great!!! I hope hehe...hope your day is filled with smiles...mine was because a lady smiled at me this morning while she sat in traffic..it was lovely.